As much as your older loved one may want to live independently, there may come a time when this is no longer feasible, and they need help to live life as fully and safely as possible. Home care is an excellent solution as it allows your loved one to stay in their own home while providing assistance where it is needed. However, at Home Care Assistance, we know that the idea of Home Care can be a complex topic and that older adults may resist this idea. We have put together this blog about strategies you can use to introduce the concept of home care to older adults who are struggling to manage independently.
When we are children, our parents often need to bring up topics that can be difficult to discuss, such as the birds and the bees. As our parents get older, the roles can change, and it is up to us to discuss complex topics with our parents. This can include issues around money, advance care directives, and the need to bring someone to provide home care to support your loved one in their daily activities. Whether you are looking at going through a specialist provider such as Home Care Assistance or employing an individual to provide services to your loved one, the optic can be tricky to bring up and can meet significant resistance. Many older adults do not want to give up their independence and may see the need to bring in someone to help as admitting they are becoming less capable. But if your loved one struggles to manage their daily activities, bringing in help can make it easier for them to enjoy life and live it as fully as possible. While the approach you use to bring up this topic with your older loved ones will vary depending on the circumstances and your relationship, here are some strategies you can use.
Talk about Past Experiences
Ask your loved one if they had an older loved one—such as their parent—who required help with their care as they aged. Ask them about the circumstances, what type of care was introduced, how it worked, and how they felt about it. This can bring up complex feelings associated with not being able to provide all the care for their loved one and/or feeling like they are becoming a burden on you as their care needs increase.
This approach opens up a dialogue to discuss everyone’s feelings and identify your loved one’s concerns. By understanding their thoughts and wishes, you can help construct a solution that addresses their concerns and fears.
Put Yourself in Your Loved One’s Shoes
Putting yourself in your loved one’s shoes and understanding how they may feel they are losing their sense of control and power over how they live can help you understand how difficult this might be for them. Imagine their fear of not having their independence or losing a sense of physical security that home care may bring. They may feel sad and frustrated and unable to live as independently as they were.
Doing this lets you empathise with your parents and better acknowledge their fears and feelings. It is important to let them know that you understand how difficult this is for them and give them space to talk freely about their feelings, even if you disagree.
Be Careful with Your Words
Adults can feel a significant loss of control when they need support for daily activities at home. Avoid using phrases such as “you must/need to…… “ or “you should……” Rather, frame the discussion to promote collaboration in reaching a solution. Share your concerns calmly and clearly and ask, ‘What can we do to keep you safe?’
Be collaborative and propose different ways in which help could be provided. One good way to do this is to ask your older loved one what it would look like if they had help with x. A good way to turn this into a positive is to talk about having help to free their energy up for activities they enjoy, such as puzzles, meeting friends, or attending the local community centre. Often, older loved ones spend all their energy on essential daily activities, leaving no time or energy to do the activities they enjoy. Taking some of this load off can help them return to these other activities.
Consider Your Timing
It is often tempting to discuss home care during an argument or when something has happened. It is important to avoid these conversations when you are upset or something significant has just happened that has landed your loved one in the emergency room or put their safety at risk. When people are emotional, these conversations can quickly escalate, making it challenging to have calm and productive discussions.
Wait until everyone is calm and you have time to have the conversation properly. This will also allow for an open discussion of your loved one’s fears. Addressing these fears is essential if your loved one will accept home care.
Tap into Available Resources
Ensuring a loved one’s care is a marathon, not a sprint. Ensure you engage other family members and the loved one concerned in the conversation. If you are part of a village, use that village to support your loved one while keeping your loved one’s wishes at the core of all discussions.
Many resources are available, and getting a home assessment to determine the type of care your loved one needs is a good start. This can help you determine whether there are options, such as handrails, that can also help your loved one stay safe.
Do Not Try to Conquer the World in a Day
This is a big and often emotionally laden conversation. It does not have to be done all at once. Breaking the conversation down into key areas and having several conversations over time can be easier than solving every problem in one hit. Regular discussions also allow you to keep having conversations as your loved one’s needs change.
The need to engage home care can be a difficult discussion. However, if your loved one has the support they need, it can make a huge difference to their life and that of your entire family. Remember to approach the discussion calmly and empathetically over time to help your loved one through this transition.
Support at home from a specialist provider, such as Home Care Assistance, can bring enormous benefits and comfort to your quality of life while living independently at home. Home Care Assistance has viable solutions when it comes to supporting independent living. For more information, get in touch with a Home Care Assistance near me today.
